somewhere, Love still exists.

wherever I AM there you are.

my journey has taken me deep within. although, this is not particularly unusual for this time of year. for me, winter is a time for reflection. a time to go within, to rest and nourish those parts of Self that may need some extra support during these cold, dark months. this time is different. last year was different too. but this time is really different. i no longer have my rock. the guardian of my heart. my Love.

uncharted waters. 

you see, i am now traveling this world alone. alone on my path. but not really. i know he is here, i know he is in my heart. i know all of this. it still is. all the things we never did, all the things i never said. all the things we had planned for our future. and now he is not here. so all of that just disappears. or maybe it doesn’t. maybe all of the things we did, all of the things we said, all of the things we began to weave will be waiting there for us in the next life together. all of those things are energy, and we gave them a name. we created a life together, and now. what? i don’t have the answers. i just know that in order for me to get my Self back, i need to return to my Heart. in the space where he is waiting for me. a place maybe i have been in avoidance of. because i am feeling so much, every single wave of emotion. its easier for me to be out of body then it is to stay in. it is a daily practice to remain rooted. especially without him. deep breaths.

he is what i always knew existed, it just took him a while to find me.

oh, my heart. my best friend. my lover. my life partner. my world. my Love. my hearts Light. he showed me what Love is, what nature intended it to be. he was an old soul just as i. he is my souls mate. he was around me my whole life, and then he found me. not in a million worlds would i have thought this would be how our journey on Earth together ends. oh, my BeLoved.

i now fully understand what the absence of light is.

during this season of the return of light, it feels i too am in alignment with this celestial journey. the path in healing the heart has gone even deeper still. Love is ever unfolding, ever evolving. the journey of the Heart is never ending.

cycles. spirals. healing. 

my guidance is to go within, to flow with the cycles of the Earth. ground. reconnect. nourish. nurture. support. protect my Heart + find the place where his Light shines within me. somewhere, Love still exists.

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RoseGate

shift in frequency,
raise in vibration.

clear channel.
self knowledge. 
cycles. completions.

inner pathways.
energy centers.
realignment.

rosegate.
heartstar.
illumination.

sacred feminine,
rising.

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HeartLight

dark night of the heart.

process of elimination.
reevaluation.
time stands still.

stillness.
healing.
let the light shine from within.

mirrors. reflections.
gravitational push. pull.
weightless.

still point. darkness.
seed of life. light.
harmonic convergence.

acceptance of all that IS.
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return to self : the journey home

its been a long while since i’ve been on my own. fifteen years to be exact. i didn’t realize that until her departure. what i have learned is that sometimes blessings come into our lives in forms unexpected. Ember showed and taught me pure Love. she was the embodiment of the divine feminine. a sister of the rose, part of my soul, and in this life a pug. she chose me as her guide, yet in truth she was mine. though the journey here on Earth together may have ended, another aspect seems to be revealing itself.

along the rivers edge, where our spiritual journey began, is where i am learning to find my self once again. although she is not here physically, i feel her in every moment. she is with me, and will always be. this i know and understand yet it is still a rather difficult adjustment. i have gone deep within and i am learning how to live without her here with me. it is not easy, for it is like living without the sun. truly.

she taught me many things. she taught me how to care for another; how to be a mother, a wife, a friend, and a daughter. we spoke our own language and have a bond that goes back many lifetimes. she is both my greatest teacher, and my life’s greatest loss. every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. the path i am on is one that has taken me on quite the journey. however, i am thankful to be where i am now : with new eyes, an open heart, and Ember helping to guide my way Home to Self in spirit form.

in the next phase of this journey i am being called to move deeper into the healing process by way of working with Chiron in my natal astrology chart. the course i am taking ‘Chiron – Your Deepest Wound, Your Greatest Gift’ has really showed up at the most perfect time. i will be exploring the three Chiron archetypes, how they relate to me, and how to use them to turn my wound into my greatest gift. i am planning to share with you my experience, maybe you will find within something that resonates with your own journey of self. as my wise Rose Alchemy teacher says, “we are all guiding each other home.”

namaste.

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